Colleagues and scholars from coast to coast, across Bass Strait and all the ships at sea.
Dateline: Australia, Federal Politics 2011.
Opposition Leader Tony Abbott has correctly suggested that the Gillard Government's proposed carbon tax is "socialism masquerading as environmentalism".
But this anti-communist crusader and champion of the DLP does not know the full ugly truth. Or does he? (We shall return to that point later in this article with an explosive revelation).
Today we can divulge that extensive investigations have uncovered that this conspiracy to convert Australia into a socialist state started well before the unholy alliance between the ALP, the Greens and Independents came into effect in September 2010.
Investigations undertaken by a task force of reputable private detectives (currently on urgent and unexpected leave from the UK) discovered that this conspiracy goes back more than sixteen years, but that it was not the ALP who made the great impetus towards pricing carbon via an Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS), rather it was the Liberal National Coalition.
Today we can disclose that the ALP, the Greens and Independents are merely a front for the real red menace - the Liberal National Coalition.
Impeccable sources, impeccable we say, have revealed that communist conspirators could see that the ALP was going to lose the 1996 election and decided that they needed to activate their sleeper cells inside the Coalition once it took office in 1996.
An important infiltrator was former Treasurer Peter Costello, who is known to the conspirators by his real name of Comrade Pyotr Kostellovich.
With a penchant for Russian cooking, often Comrade Kostellovich would lead cooking classes on Russian cuisine for the Coalition cabinet, resulting in the nickname "Piroshki Pyotr".
It was Comrade Kostellovich who pushed hard to have an ETS adopted as Coalition policy in 2003. Yes, that's right, the man who many Coalition supporters believe was Australia's greatest treasurer was the strongest supporter of an ETS scheme.
There's no doubt about it, Kostellovich is a communist through and through.
Another key infiltrator, and we believe the ringleader, was former Prime Minister John Winston Howard, who is known to the conspirators by his real name of Comrade Ivan Vinstonovich Hovardski.
Comrade Hovardski was often seen at his local fruit and vegetable markets looking for the finest beetroots to use in his favourite dish, borscht.
It was Comrade Hovardski who was very keen to adopt an ETS as Coalition policy to take to the 2007 federal election based on the analysis of a Task Group headed by Dr. Peter Shergold, Secretary of the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet, (if that's who the work was really undertaken by - we shall return to this issue a little later with some indisputable photographic evidence of who really produced the Shergold Report).
Hovardski, the man who many Coalition supporters believe was the best prime minister since Bob Menzies, also supported this communist doctrine, the ETS.
And Dr. Shergold (if that's who it was) said on the release of his report in June 2007:
"Australia should commit to an emissions target for post 2012 ahead of any comprehensive global response, and it should do that with an emissions trading scheme based on cap and trade."
"What we are doing by seeking to prudently manage risk is bringing forward costs from the next generation, costs that we impose on ourselves."
The Australian reported at the time of the release of the report:
" ..he [Dr. Shergold] said Australia needed to commit to reducing emissions ahead of any comprehensive global response. The task group [headed by Dr. Shergold] has concluded there is not likely to be a comprehensive global climate change agreement in the near term."
So there we have it. Adopt an ETS, and do it ahead of any international agreement. A communist conspiracy, no doubt.
We have conclusive photographic proof (to be revealed shortly) which illustrates how Hovardski substituted another communist infiltrator (with a striking resemblance to Dr. Shergold) for the good doctor, so that the "Independent" Shergold Report would conclude exactly as we have read above.
In addition, consider this: If Hovardksi had won the election in 2007; Australia would have had an ETS in operation from 2012. Yes, that's right, 2012, the same year as the proposed scheme of the Gillard Government.
Coincidence? We think not!
The conspirators also infiltrated the Coalition in 2004 with the most unlikely communist of all, merchant banker Malcolm Turnbull.
Known to the conspirators by his real name Tovarich Mikhail Turnbullov, it was uncovered that Tovarich Turnbullov owns at least a dozen luxurious properties on the Baltic, Caspian and Black Seas, and a string of commercial enterprises in Vladivostok. Plus he has important interests in the international vodka and beluga caviar trade.
Tovarich Turnbullov worked hard to ensure that the Liberal National Coalition supported the Rudd Government's Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme (CPRS) in 2009.
Under instructions from Communist Head Quarters (CHQ), so he thought, he put his leadership on the line to ensure the passing of the CPRS bill, but, alas, he was unsuccessful.
Because the proposed CPRS was not burdensome enough on business. So CHQ secretly orchestrated a coup d'etat.
"Anti-communist" crusader, Tony Abbott, took over the leadership from Turnbullov in a shock result, ostensibly on the platform that he would not support this "great big new tax".
However, our investigations have shown that Tony Abbott might be protesting just that little bit too much. In his zeal to constantly say no, occasionally, and only occasionally, you just hear the slight murmur of a "Nyet", and our linguistic experts once picked up the slight hint of an old East German "Nein". Classic signs of Eastern European communist training.
Additionally, all that time that he "trains" on a bicycle in the early morning is a perfect opportunity to make contact with fifth columnists under the cover of darkness.
The use of a bicycle is a damning piece of evidence to expose Abbott for the communist infiltrator that he is. Everyone knows that bicycles were extensively employed by the communist Chinese forces in World War 2, and by Ho Chi Min's forces in the Vietnam War. Classic signs of Asian communist training.
Both the language slips and the bicycle use speak for themselves giving us strong reason to fear that the infiltration continues.
We believe Anthony John Abbott is none other than Comrade Anton Ivan Abbottskivich, Chief of the East Asian Communist Bureau. Further evidence of another communist infiltration policy paying dividends, as Abbottskivich joined the Coalition Federal Parliamentary team in 1994.
Remember it was Abbottskivich who in 2009 said,
"If you want to put a price on carbon, why not just do it with a single tax? Why not just ask electricity consumers to pay more, then at the end of the year you can take your invoices to the tax office and get a rebate?"
Why not indeed, comrade?
He went on to say, "It would be burdensome - all taxes are burdensome - but it would certainly raise the price of carbon without increasing in anyway the overall tax burden."
Exposed as a communist!
The question we want answered is: How will Abbottskivich rescind the legislation for the carbon tax/ETS if he gets elected to office?
Well, we know the answer - he can't and he won't. The policy to be implemented by the Gillard Government is more exacting on the capitalist system than the CPRS.
The ultimate check mate from the communists!
Our investigatory team has painstakingly pieced together a host of photographic (Exhibit A) and documentary evidence (Exhibit B) proving without any question the communist conspiracy exists (see below).
We then end this disturbing report by identifying the only man who can save us from this terrible fate.
Exhibit A: Photographic evidence of the communist carbon conspiracy.
1. Kostellovich, Hovardski and Turnbullov caught on camera by our investigators in a conspiratorial meeting:
2. The infamous cabinet meeting in which Kostellovich pushed for the ETS to become policy (Hovardski and Abbottskivich are present):
3a. Dr. Peter Shergold, the man whose report Hovardski relied on to adopt an ETS as Coalition policy:
3b. Looks far, far too much like this man for our liking, Mr. Lev Davidovich Bronstein aka Leon Trotsky, who we believe was substituted for Dr. Shergold:
4a. This activity undertaken regularly by Abbottskivich in the early mornings:
4b. Looks very much like this activity employed by communists:
5. Current Coalition leader Abbottskivich with past Coalition leader Hovardski, standing in front of Chinese characters. Possibly a coded message to other sleeper cells.
6a. Piroshkis, which we believe were prepared by Comrade Kostellovich for the infamous cabinet meeting proposing an ETS in 2003.
6b. Borscht, the favourite dish of Comrade Hovardski, eaten at that infamous cabinet meeting in 2003. Think the red colour is a coincidence?
6c. A bottle of vodka similar to those traded by Turnbullov.
6d. Beluga caviar similar to that traded by Turnbullov.
Exhibit B: Documentary evidence of the communist carbon conspiracy.
Highly secret internal government documents, uncovered after an exhaustive thirty seconds on the internet, show that Dr. Martin Parkinson, the current Treasury Secretary, exposed the long standing conspiracy in The Sir Leslie Melville lecture, "Climate Change and the Australian Reform Agenda" Australian National University, 28 June 2010 (full text here).
An extract reads:
"The debate over the use of an economic instrument to manage Australia’s emissions now has a history stretching as far back as the Keating Government.
In 1995, Senator John Faulkner, then-Minister for the Environment, had proposed that the Government consider a low-level carbon levy, set at $1.25 a tonne. However, it faced strong opposition and was put aside, with the Government instead introducing the Greenhouse Challenge Scheme for voluntary participation by industry.
In 1999, at the instigation of Senator Robert Hill, then-Environment Minister in the Howard Government, the Australian Greenhouse Office released a series of four discussion papers over design aspects of a possible ETS.
This was the first detailed exposition of what a carbon price mechanism might entail. While there was an expectation that these papers would be followed by further policy work leading to the implementation of an emissions trading scheme, the Government decided in 2000 not to proceed any further.
In 2002, the Australian Greenhouse Office released a final paper on emissions trading to inform the Council of Australian Governments Energy Market Review. That review, chaired by Warwick Parer, the former Minister for Energy and Resources in the Howard Government, recommended the introduction of a national ETS and the removal of other measures.
In 2003, an ETS proposal was taken to Cabinet again, with the support of four ministers and sponsored by the then-Treasurer Peter Costello, but again the decision was taken not to proceed.
Partly as a result, in 2004, the eight state and territory governments jointly established a Taskforce to develop a national ETS design. The National Emissions Trading Taskforce released two discussion papers and maintained an ongoing dialogue with stakeholders over possible scheme design from 2005 to 2007, before providing a final report to the Garnaut Review in December 2007.
That work provided a strong platform of initial scheme design, economic analysis, and key stakeholder understanding that supported the next steps by the Australian Government.
In 2006, the Howard Government commissioned a Task Group headed by Peter Shergold, the Secretary of the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet, to reconsider the possibility of an ETS for Australia. The Shergold Report was released in May 2007, and on 3 June 2007, Prime Minister Howard announced that his Government would introduce an ETS no later than 2012.
This meant that both major parties took an ETS to the 2007 election as formal policy platform."
Where to now?
Citizens, from the photographic and documentary evidence, it is abundantly clear how this conspiracy developed, how long the plan has been hatching and in what perilous danger Australia truly is. The evidence is overwhelming.
It is not the ALP, the Greens and the Independents who are a threat to our way of life; they are merely a front for the real red menace - the Liberal National Coalition.
Only a man like this can now save us from this terrible fate!
Senator Joe McCarthy