Colleagues and scholars from coast to coast, across Bass Strait and all the ships at sea.
Dateline: Australia, Federal Politics, Trade Union Royal Commission, July 2015.
The Trade Union Royal Commission went into microscopic detail to forensically examine items in Bill Shorten's trade union past. It was a gift to all insomniacs.
However, it's clear to any independent observer that the questioning did not even come close to scratching the surface and did not delve into areas that are of great import to the nation and the world, and that require deep, deep investigation.
A crack team, led by the finest legal specialist in such cases, has been assembled to ask these crucial questions.
The 13 questions the Trade Union Royal Commission was too scared to ask Bill Shorten
1. Mr. Shorten, were you not responsible for the disappearance of Miranda and the other girls in Picnic at Hanging Rock? Did you not, Pied Piper like, use your panpipe sorcery to lure those girls into the ether, never to be seen or heard of again?
Further, as a result of uncovering your hidden secret, will this now not infect all readers of this allegation with a pan pipe ear worm that is almost impossible to eradicate and, worse, create an insatiable desire to go and make a cup of Nescafe coffee? Just like this?
2. Is this not you on the grassy knoll in Dallas, Texas?
3. Did you not lead the attack on Pearl Harbour?
4. Is this not you in the forests of North America?
5. Is this not you swimming in the north of Scotland?
6. Were you not the mastermind behind the faking of the Moon landing?
7. Isn't it true that you have Elvis living in your home?
8. Were you not the contact on Earth for the alien who crashed at Roswell in the New Mexico desert?
9. Were you not responsible for the introduction of 'New Coke'?
10. Did you not commit the millions of taxpayer dollars that were spent on this ludicrous advertising campaign?
11. Did you not design these automobiles?
12. Did you not start the rumour that Paul McCartney was dead so that you could substitute for him in this iconic photograph?
Thereby forcing Paul McCartney to explain to the other Beatles that it was truly him?
13. Finally, did you not advise Milli Vanilli to 'lip-synch' their songs?
Thirteen important questions - unlucky for some.
Any fair-minded observer would see that these questions need to be answered and that there are still so many, many more 'questions to answer'.
The citizens of the world wait with interest.